Limiting beliefs hold you back

Change your thoughts to change your life

People who believe they can do something tend to succeed. Those who believe they can’t, tend to fail. What you think is what you get.

This means every time you start any sentence with, “I can’t …” “I have to …” or “It’s impossible to ..,” you are holding yourself back, says career fulfilment specialist Patricia Soldati. Examples include:

• I can’t give workers financial information they’ll….
• I can’t speak in public, I go red
• I couldn’t be rich, rich people are mean
• I’m too fat for anyone to find me attractive
• It’s impossible to get people to agree to pay cuts

Soldati says when it comes to careers; people hold these common limiting beliefs:

• I am not skilled enough
• Hard work is noble
• Fulfilling work is for others, not me
• Fulfilment comes from my personal life, not my work life
• I’m too old to make a major life change
• My family and friends will think I’m crazy
• I’m a fraud – my success is a result of the corporate structure, or my tenure
• The unknown isn’t safe
• I’m not sure that I can trust my decisions or choices
• I’m afraid of failing in a new role

Simply put, beliefs are conditioned thoughts, which are reinforced by emotion. You are not born with the beliefs, values and opinions of your community. They are learnt and become a subconscious part of who you are.

You hold many beliefs about your life. Some have served you well by allowing you to learn new skills, assume greater responsibility or take on new career challenges; others have held you back.

Soldati notes, “When beliefs start restricting your performance, you need to challenge them.” Ask yourself: Am I acting on past conditioning that is no longer relevant?

Limiting beliefs cause conflict “Most conflict arises because of people’s differing beliefs,” says Soldati. If you are experiencing internal or external conflict, ask yourself: What are my beliefs about this situation?

“If you dig deep enough, you may discover something that has been locked in your subconscious for a long time: a limiting belief that drives your decision-making in inappropriate ways,” she adds.

According to Soldati, we entrench a belief like, “I’m no good at math. My Mom (or Dad) wasn’t either,” through a three-step process:

1. We label the belief, which helps us to rationalise it and make it acceptable.
2. We engage in selective data gathering by seeking out evidence that supports the belief and ignoring evidence that challenges it
3. We disguise/sugar-coat the belief to make it more palatable. The belief becomes an ego advantage

Beliefs can be changed

Although your beliefs seem very real to you, they are not absolute. Beliefs are learnt. It is possible to replace any belief with something new and empowering, if you are genuinely willing to do so.

You can change some beliefs by simply identifying them and taking in new information about them. Other beliefs have more staying power, because they are more deeply entrenched into your psyche.

Soldati says a limiting belief, like “I’m not as smart as…” can become “I work harder” – an empowering belief which could aid your career.

“By letting go of the limiting belief, you will have a much stronger and positive belief: you are smart and you work hard.”

Saying, there is nothing you can do about a particular situation, is rubbish, says Steve Aitchison. “You can change any aspect of your life. You just can’t see it yet.”

He says, “It takes guts to decide to change your life, but you can. Know what you want, know the steps you have to take to change it and do it,” he says.

Five easy steps to reframing limiting beliefs

Soldati outlines five steps to help you reframe your limiting beliefs.

1) Clearly identify the limiting belief and confirm your genuine desire to change it.

2) Create a new, empowering belief that supports the results you want. Make sure it adheres to five power checks:

• It is stated in the present tense (I am, I know, I express, I respect)
• It is stated in certain terms (No cans, maybes, possibilities, comparisons)
• It is loving and respectful (It honours your inner greatness)
• It includes the notion of abundance (No limits or caps)
• It strikes an emotional chord with you

For example, you can replace a limiting belief like, “I’m not skilled enough” with two empowering statements:

“I have an exceptional skill set. This is just one expression of my inner greatness” or

“My resourcefulness is a gift I use to build strong community around me.”

3) Repeat your affirmation daily for at least 40 days.  Vividly imagine this new belief in action in your life; engage your emotions around it. Recall an experience from your past that is evidence of your new belief.

4) Acknowledge old emotions and behaviours when they come up. Without reprimand, simply choose to shift your energy and focus on the new belief.

5) Add a daily action step to re-enforce your new belief. Completely be the person who holds your new belief.

Be gentle with yourself as you adopt this new belief. Eventually, it will become automatic and become reality.

Leadership site www.leadership-and-motivation-training.com’s Shelley Holmes says you can eradicate the beliefs that prevent you from achieving the results you want by:

• Regularly challenging your beliefs
• Developing a sense of knowing whether:
• You are acting on past conditioning or on the present information
• You are making the decision/choice based on present circumstances or useless historic information

When you hear yourself or someone else use a limiting belief, Holmes recommends challenging the belief and starting the change process by asking questions, like:

• Who says?
• What would happen if you did or didn’t?
• What’s stopping you?
• Have you ever seen someone else do it?

Questions like these help people see other possibilities in terms of their thinking about certain issues and their behaviour in certain situations.

Challenge your beliefs. It gives you the space to be all you can be. And, remember: you always have a choice.